Anxieties and Inspiration – and Pics too :)

A lot of things have been running through my head lately. Getting pregnant was not easy for me and TH. We were pregnant before and miscarried and then a slew of other issues came up after that. I was a mess physically and emotionally.

My brain beat me up a bit after the miscarriage. And that’s when I decided to leave my job of 6 years. My steady, stable, great paying job with awesome benefits. No regrets, though — since I’m working for the same company again, as a consultant. I’m happy to be where I am.

I got some of my physical stuff in order too. I’ve lost about 46lbs in the past year thanks to Metformin. I have an insulin resistance (slight) but I do not have diabetes. Thanks to the Metformin my body has been able to properly process the sugars/carboyhydrates like never before!!  I’ve lost the weight without modifying my diet or adding in exercise. I’ve always wondered why I had a hard time losing weight and even when I ate healthy and tracked calories, points, when on fad diets and things like Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem and a bunch of other ones … I would only lose a few pounds and then it would stop. Now I know … damn insulin. Metformin is a miracle drug to me. Plus, in all the drug stores I’ve picked it up at, it’s FREE even though it’s a prescription. Doesn’t get better than that!

Also along the way, we have found that if we were to get pregnant on our own, we would miscarry. There is a hormone needed to maintain a pregnancy early on up to about 11-12weeks. That hormone (progesterone) — my body did not maintain or keep up. Hence the previous miscarriage. It was a long process but we are sooo glad to now know the reason and learned how to prevent that from happening again.

So, ater all that shiz, and with the help of other modern day medicines, we got pregnant and have made it further along than the first pregnancy (which ceased at almost 9 weeks).

Our intentions after having 1 child, was that I would be a stay-at-home and possibly go back to work after a year or so. B/c money seems to be a necessity for living. But since we are having twins, I don’t think the working mom gig will work out. Paying for 2 little ones in day care around here comes to nearly $1800/month alone. I rather stay home and bond with the kiddies and maybe work from home doing my photography thing part-time.

I’ve tried my best not to think about things until it was completely necessary. I know that anything can happen in pregnancy. Like a loss. B/c of our previous loss, I am worried about this pregnancy. I’m sure it’s natural to be scared, but at what point will all my fears and anxiety go away so that I may focus on the happy future and get prepared for things to come?

That time, is now. While I’m still scared, I’m also very optimistic. Since I am high risk due to a previous loss and being pregnant with multiples, I’ve been getting monitored frequently by doctors. I’m doing everything in my power to keep things going forward.

And sooo begins a new addiction of mine — nesting.

Is it too early for that??

All I have been thinking about is being ready for the babes when they get here. And I know everything will take time to get in order. Like budgeting. Learning to live on 1 salary. And getting used to it NOW before they arrive. Seeing where our focus needs to change and what we can and can’t live without. Changing our lifestyle habits. And then, there is this possibility that we may be moving if we sell our house — but what if we don’t? I’m preparing for the worst. That we don’t sell, and so I want to start setting up a nursery and a plan, and I want to paint and buy furniture… But of course, I’m going to do the cheap inexpensive low-investment stuff now … b/c anything can happen.

I will end my rant here and continue another day with some DIY inspiration that has triggered this sudden nesting phenomenon, and also our new budget plan.

And I will leave you with some recent ultrasound photos of the twins at 12 weeks, in all their skeletor-like fashion: