Rant – that is all.

I feel like I’ve been through a lot, yet not really. If that even makes sense.

I don’t have any diseases, but I have a miriad of syndromes. I’ve been through soooo many tests that took many many years to compile…  only to find it’s nothing that will kill me, just things that make life a little bit more difficult.

This whole pregnancy thing … it’s a great affliction.

Throughout this pregnancy I’ve had my share of big time scares. My last pregnancy that ended in miscarriage didn’t have half the scares of this one. So everyday I’m shocked to know that I am STILL pregnant.

At 6 weeks we found out we had twins. A few days after we found out there were 3 babies instead of 2. Then later the 3rd did not progress.

At 8-9 weeks I had SEVERE bleeding. Sooo bad I don’t think you can even fathom it. TH and I knew we miscarried. There was no way the babies could still be there. The next day it was confirmed – the babies were just fine. How the hell??

I was diagnosed with a Subchorionic Hematoma (blood clot). Common with multiple pregnancies. The bleeding continued for 2+ weeks. At 11.5 weeks it had resolved itself.

at 13 weeks I got my prenatal bloodwork results back. Nurse questioned if I was a diabetic. “Um, not that I know of, do the results say something different??”

I have an insulin resistance … prediabetic? … and am high risk for gestational diabetes. Grrrrrrrrreat. Now that I’m finally feeling good enough to eat, I’m not allowed to have carbs, sugars. So screw any cravings I might be having.

I’ve had cravings before but they don’t compare to cravings while pregnant. I’ve never been so emotionally unstable about food before. I will throw a fit, tantrum, cry be miserable until I get what I want. If TH doesn’t go out and get it, I will and I will come back with 5lbs of whatever food it is to spite him and well .. myself. It’s just THAT bad.

Also, to help prevent gestational diabetes, I’m supposed to start exercising. So, I figured standing for 30 minutes to be a lot more than I’ve been doing, since I’ve been on physical restrictions due to past complications. Even short walks here and there.

My body didn’t like me standing (apparently it’s what I do when I cook).

So last night I suffered from horrible stomach and back pains, and could not get comfortable or fall asleep. This morning I woke up with another bloody mess. The blood clot is gone, but now I have been diagnosed with partial placenta previa. Another symptom common with multiples and like the blood clots, has a list of risk associated with it.

Tomorrow I’ll be 14 weeks along. And while it hasn’t been easy thusfar, the babes are still HEALTHY. They have good heart beats and I saw them today bouncing away in there.

My younger sister and I decided to switch shower dates. Hers was supposed to be June 30th (she’d be 32weeks and I’d be 28 weeks) and mine was supposed to be August 13th (she’d be 34 weeks and I’d be 30 weeks). Due to all my complications and possible upcoming risk factors, we decided to switch. If I go into labor at 28 weeks the chances for viability are in our favor… but also, if I still have Previa or Preeclampsia etc… I will most likely be on bedrest. So forget being able to attend my own shower LOL.

I feel bad switching with her, but she has been understanding. We are just trying to be prepared.

Here lies my waaaah rant — had to get it out. I have to look on the bright side, there is nothing REALLY wrong. Well, there is, but there’s nothing I can do about it yet nothing is for sure inevitable. I just can’t let myself worry… easier said than done.