What a morbid trip.

Well the fFN test I took last week was right. It gave me 1 week labor free!!

I wound up going to my regularly scheduled OB checkup appt on Thursday. I mentioned that I was still having those period-like cramps and aches and the doc seemed concerned. So she set me up on the NST (non-stress test) monitor. Where they put a ‘thing’ on the middle of your stomach to see if it can measure any contractions. If there are any, they send you to the hospital to be monitored.

So yeah, I had a few, as I have been since what seems to be FOREVER … They weren’t painful, and the period-like cramping was just non-stop. It was like I was PMS’ing is all. The doc said THAT is what REAL contractions feel like. And well, yes, that is what everyone is telling me, but why doesn’t it actually HURT … like PAIN .. like OOOOOOUUUCCHHHY?!

So anyway, we wound up trekking back to the hospital, getting admitted to their PET (prenatal emissions testing) unit, where they put everyone at risk for preterm labor.

It was busy. I wound up being put in a room with another woman. Getting hooked up to those contraction monitors again along with 2 additional things added to my stomach to monitor each baby’s heartbeat. You can watch the screen display your contractions if you’re having any and also the babies heartbeats. It’s very reassuring to see the babies heartbeats and know they were okay. I also felt that if I were to have the babys at 30 weeks, it would be okay, b/c I never thought I’d make it this far, and really just wanted to get to 24 (lungs start to mature), then 26 weeks, then 28 — and that was as far as I pushed it, b/c I honestly didn’t think I’d make it.

At some point, my monitor got switched to display my roomies contractions, and OMF’nG!!!! She was OFF THE CHARTS.

Mine would go up from 0 to about 15 or 20, maybe 40 at the highest. Hers were so high that it would go to the tippy top (100) and then flat line b/c it couldn’t be read it was so intense. All the while making NO NOISE!!!! I was breathing through mine at 40 and she was just sitting there quietly. After about 45 mins or so, we could hear her start to sigh. Damn girl — if you’re in pain, LET-IT-OUT! I sure as hell would!

Turns out she was going into true labor, and they sent her to L&D (Labor and Delivery) — this was it, her baby was coming and was far enough along to be okay. Happy ending. I was sooo excited for this stranger!

Then, I got a new roomie. She came in huffing and puffing and sounding like she was in a lot of pain. She was a petite woman … but pregnant. From what I could hear from the paper-thin ‘curtain’ that separated us is that she didn’t have a regular doc, she went to the local clinic. Had 2 kids (9 and 5) and had an early miscarriage in 2009 (like me) … this was her 4th pregnancy and she was 34 weeks along. The baby at 34 weeks along is considered a preemie (for singletons 37-42 weeks is considered full-term). But the baby would have MORE than a fighting chance.

It was about 8pm when she arrived. She said she had visited the clinic this morning and the baby was fine, everything was good. She felt the baby last move around 3pm and that was when her contractions started. The docs ‘checked’ her internally and she was dilated 1-2cm. Then they went to get the NST monitor to find the baby’s heartbeat. … no luck.

The woman started to get a little upset, asking if the baby was okay. The tech said the baby probably moved and they just can’t find where the heartbeat was, and would bring in an ultrasound machine for a better view and listen. She continued to ask the same questions over and over to the woman. “The baby was moving today? What time did you last feel the baby move? Did anything happen today that we should know about?”… At that point, about 3 nurses/docs came in the room with an ultrasound machine and the began the scan, which seemed to take a long time.  Again, this nurse asked the same questions as the tech did. And the woman started to get a little hysterical seeing where all this may be leading. All but the nurse doing the scan left the room … and then the woman asked again. “Is the baby okay?” And the nurse replied… “I can’t find a heartbeat.” And the woman broke down. Crying. Saying “No No Nooooo! The baby is okay. The baby is okay. I felt the baby move today, the baby was okay. My baby, My baby!!”

TH and I were just sitting in the room looking at each other. I had to cover my head, I couldn’t stop crying either. I was a mess. This poor woman. We all knew where it was leading, and it was heartbreaking. I’ve seen scenes like this on TV and have gotten overly emotional about them, but this was real life. Real emotion. Real tragedy. The nurse said nothing to console her, and the woman asked for her husband. And then realizing she was all by herself while she heard this news, just killed me. I couldn’t take it. My contractions got worse… and I tried to breathe and settle down and tried to relax myself, for the babys’ sake. Then someone tapped my knee. It was a nurse, telling me they were going to have to transfer me to another room.

I got out of bed, and just thought this has been one of the most horrible experiences ever. Who am I to worry about my babys —  that have heartbeats.  I had just been complaining mentally to myself about how uncomfortable I was on this stretcher (b/c they ran out of beds) for 6 hours or so, and the fact that I had yet to see my doctor … I knew my doctor was taking care of more important things and emergencies, and I wasn’t an emergency by any means. And then I found out my doctor also wound up taking care of this poor woman after she found out the news.

I don’t know what happened to her. The last I saw her, her husband was at her side consoling her the best he could.

And after all that, and thinking making it to 30 weeks would be a breeze, and if I went in to labor right now, all would be right with the world and the babys would both be perfect — those thoughts came to a halt, and all I could think about were the negative possibilities. Bad thoughts. Every one of them. The babies could be fine now, but in 4 hours, they could be gone. Dead. And no one would know it until the morning…

I was glad to be in a place now, PET, where they monitored you 24 hours a day while you were down there, just in case. I was in good hands.

To Be Continued…