I need to be fixed.

These are the new supplements I’m taking. Why? Because I’m a freakin’ mess. Seriously.

I thought the reason I have been feeling like crap, was a symptom of post partum’ness. But, it’s not. So says medical professionals.

I used to take Metformin (1500mg/day) for about a year up until I got pregnant. Then I stopped it. I used it to regulate a slight insulin resistance I had. It was a miracle drug for me, really.

Wondering what ‘feeling like crap’ is like?

Imagine waking up in the morning, curled up into a ball – fetal position – you wake up and try to stretch, but you can’t. You’re stuck. Every part of your body is stiff and tight. Even your fingers are clenched into your hands in a tight fist. Just trying to open your hands is excruciatingly painful. Slowly, you try to open your hands, then you try to stretch your arms, and your shoulders crack and you scream in pain. You lay in whatever position you made it into at this point and just breathe through it. Your legs are next … stretch … wince in pain.

You hear your newborn baby girls crying … they need something. But you can’t get to them, at least not fast enough. Your husband is there but he’s tired and frustrated too. You explain that you can’t move, and feel like he doesn’t believe you. B/c how can someone just not move. You feel like an idiot b/c you feel that maybe he thinks you’re just lazy and complaining. You want to cry, but you don’t. You have to focus on getting yourself out of the bed.

Eventually you roll onto your side and try to place your feet on the floor. As you lift yourself from the bed your fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders hurt from the effort it takes to get yourself standing. Once standing you feel pain in your heels. Your freakin’ heels. You forget that the heel is a part of the body until now. The balls of your feet, every little joint in every toe… your shins, your knees. OMG YOUR KNEES!!!

Finally, you are standing up, now to take the first step.

Ouch.

OUCH, OUCH !!!! OUCH OUCHOUCHOUCHOUCH!!!! you exclaim at every single step you take.

You look at one of your newborn babies in their crib and wonder how the heck you are going to manage. How will you be able to pick her up. Hold her. Soothe her. You remember that just last night, when you were making a plate for dinner — you dropped it, b/c your hand couldn’t even hold a plate. The plate shattered on the floor and made a mess, and ooooh how fun that was to clean up with all the bending it involved. You worry that once you are able to pick up your baby girl, you might drop her b/c your hands or your arms might just give out.

Besides all this pain you’ve been having, you’ve been nauseaus and throwing up. It feels just like morning sickness, except you know it’s not, b/c there’s no way you can be pregnant… again.

You are eating uncontrollably and are never satisfied. You can eat an entire big bag of potato chips and a bag of cookies in one sitting and STILL be hungry.

— and that’s where I have to stop. b/c i get to upset. I’m sad. This is the first time post-partum that I’m actually sad. I love my girls, and I don’t want to ever put them in danger, but this is just getting so bad.

I spoke with my OBs and they said it’s normal to be sore after pregnancy. But it’s been 8 weeks and I didn’t feel like this until 3 weeks ago. It started with my hands and feet and now it’s all over. Everyday it’s been getting worse. Not better.

I joined a gym thinking that maybe I’m just weak and I need to build up some muscle.

Then I went to my doctor on Monday and realized this is not a symptom of pregnancy(post-partum)… How many women who have healthy babies and had a healthy pregnancy and no complications during delivery go into their doctors in this much pain. My sister had a baby 2 weeks before me and only her hands and feet hurt at first…and now she’s better.

My doctor thinks it could be sooo many different things. Like – limes disease, sugar problem (re: my insulin resistance issues), thyroid disorder, pituitary gland issue, etc…

Who knows. This eating thing is crazy. I lost so much weight just being pregnant, and now that I’m not I’m worried I’m going to blow up. Literally.

I went to get my blood drawn yesterday to check for all possibilities that this could be. I can’t wait to find out the results.

For now, I’m on the supplements I posted in the pic above. The Vitamin D3 – 5000mg is b/c of my deficiency. FDA recommends 1000mg for an adult (though they really should be taking more). The cinnamon and alpha-lipoic acid is to help with my sugar issues, and the omega 3′s are for general heart health.

Taking these until we find out the results of my blood tests, and then we’ll see if I can start taking Metformin again or not. I just can’t wait to find out what’s going on, b/c this has become so physically debilitating that I have no idea how I’m going to manage taking care of the girls on my own. I’m lucky that TH is home on vacation all week while we deal with this mess.